Friday, August 14, 2009

The Theater of Life: Act I, Scene II

1:15 a.m.; All is quiet as Lauren and Ryan are sleeping soundly as a light breeze blows in the warm summer night. Ryan slowly drifts out of sleep, though his conscious is still trapped between what is real, and what is imagined...

Ryan: (Thinking to himself) "Whoever is tickling my arm...don't stop. I love tickles, especially when I'm this tired. It's weird that someone can tickle my arm when its hanging down between the bed and the wall. Especially since Lauren is on the other side of me. I don't care, it feels nice..."

As Ryan enjoys the relaxing touches on his arm, he begins to become more self-aware and leaves his dreamy state...

Ryan: (Still in thought) "Wait a is Lauren tickling my arm when she's on the other side of me and my arm is trapped down the side of the bed? Whats going...who... WAIT! What the heck is on my arm?!?"

In a single frantic motion, Ryan pulls his hand out between the wall and the bed, flailing it back and forth, smacking it on the bed. These actions, along with Ryan sliding his body toward the foot of the bed while dragging the sheets with him so as to get a look at what might have been on his arm, awake his wife Lauren.

Lauren: (In a confused panic) "What the heck are you doing?!"

Ryan: "Hurry! Flip on the lights!"

Lauren: "Wha...what's going on?!"

Ryan: "Just flip 'em on! Something was crawling on my arm!"

Sleep has now fled from the couples eyes, although new adrenaline is flowing in their bodies, especially in Lauren who is now jumping out of bed still not sure what is happening. Lights on. Ryan quickly searches the blanket and sheets, although nothing is seen nor heard. Lauren looks on in dazed anticipation hoping he finds nothing; as a find of any sort in her bed will undoubtedly mean no sleep for her for the remainder of the night, and a morning full of washing sheets... sheets which were freshly laundered earlier that day.

Ryan: "I swear there was something on me." (Ryan lets out a relieving sigh.)

Lauren: "You're such a spaz! I swear. You always do things like this. I bet it was just my hair tickling you. You always think my hair on you is like a spider or something... Can I turn the light off now?"

Ryan: "Yeah... Sorry dude."

Lauren: "Its ok Ry-dogg."

Lauren turns off the light and slowly crawls back into bed under the sheets she now assuredly feels are clean and safe. She cuddles next to Ryan and gently kisses his cheek and quickly drifts off to sleep. Ryan is now laying on his back with his arms folded, on Lauren's side of the bed, feet away from the wall. Although he is not scared in the least bit, he almost feels violated that some thing crawled on him... and got away with it. Ryan is still thinking...

Ryan: (To himself) "Maybe she's right. I don't think she is, but maybe. Whatever...who cares."

Ryan begins to lose track of his thoughts and sombers off.

3:25 a.m.-ish; Ryan is laying on his back much in the same manner as when he fell asleep after the commotion which happened hours earlier. He feels a slight scamper on the right side of his neck which brings him directly to reality. In one sweeping, magnificently smooth yet ferociously fast motion, he pulls his arm up along side his body, his hand grabs his neck under his right ear... He continues the motion and throws his hand forward as he leans up in the bed. He opens his hand at the apex of the arm's rotation. Silence prevails for a slight second, and then a thud is heard on the armoire cabinet door across the room, directly in front of the foot of the couple's bed.

Ryan: "Laur! Turn on the light!"

Lauren frantically sifts through the sheets toward an opening and scampers to the light switch. Lights on.

Lauren: (Out of breath...) "Are you serious?!"

Ryan: "Heck ya I am! I heard a freakin thud!"

Lauren: "For real?!"

The couple both lean from where they are, peering toward the foot of the bed to get a better look. Ryan crawls toward the foot and points a finger at the base of the armoire. A stunned roach of no less than 2 inches lies on its back, not moving.

Lauren: "Are you serious?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

Ryan: "I knew it! I knew I heard a thud! I knew something was on me! (He lets out a chuckle...) I got that sucker. Look at it...its totally just laying there not moving. I threw that fetcher hard. It was like one swift throwing movement...while I was half-asleep! Awesome."

Lauren: "Well make sure its dead! Eeeewwwww!!!" (Let out with a shivering inflection in her voice)

Ryan crawls over the foot of the bed and smashes it with the bottom of the nearby clothes hamper. Ryan pushes hard so as to here the debilitating crunch noise he is looking for. He finds it. He crawls back into bed, smiling, and satisfied. Lauren, still completely grossed out turns off the light and crawls into bed feeling assured that her husband killed the only intruder in their cumfy cosy cave of a room. She now snuggles extra close to her man-of-a-husband so as to feel extra safe. A light breeze is heard outside the window in the serene timid night air. The two drift off asleep, and are left to themselves and their dreams, finally alone in their room.



Brady and Brittany Fish said...

HAHAHAHA I just was laughing so hard!! Nice play Ryan! Loved it!

Cougwife said...

You guys are freakin' awesome! Extremely funny!

Jamar*Lacie*Jaxon said...

I had everyone gathered around the computer reading your play out loud to them.. we we're cracking up so hard! I wish I could have videoed everyones faces as I was reading. That one was one of my favorites.. good work. We can't wait for you guys to get back up here!

Lyd said...

HHAHAHAHAA That's freaking awesome! I love it. I can totally hear the way both of you would be saying your "lines." Nasty freaking roaches. Why were they even created...other than to eat crap and decaying bodies.

Amanda said...

grossss... i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.
oh, and lyd, that was a little graphic dear.

-KJ said...

This is the worst story of my life. Please tell me he washed his hands.

Stu and Angie Milne said...

HAHAA sounds like something from our life! only, i don't think i could go back to sleep after i found out a cockroach had been in our bed!

aubrey said...

bleh. sick.

Chelsea Nelson said...

Oh man!! That was AWESOME!!! Hahaha!

Jayci said...

oooh that is sick. Nice manly roach-toss, Ryan! My gosh that would creep me out! And then you smashed it on your floor?! Poor Lauren. Who got to clean that one up? Slime, legs and all. bleh!

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Lauren - you can still enter :)

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