Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Most Ridiculous Items of the Day...ala Fox News

Everyday is full of ridiculous things...especially in Happy Valley...Especially here. I found that some days need a little nudge to make sure that there is some active entertainment so as to not go crazy with boredom in Provo, hence the frog legs in the last post. So, for this little segment on The Late Blog, I decided to tell a story about Jesse and I's little run in the fine men and women in blue of the Provo PoPo Department.

To make a short story shorter, we went to Wal-Mart and happened to walk by a sweet little 25 dollar paintball gun. Jesse had to buy it, and I had to laugh. The thing is, Boredom+Paintball=Bad Idea. Especially in freakin Provo. So we drove by some friends' houses and shot up their windows... One group of particularly unhappy neighbors decided to chase us and since we were in a cousin's Audi, they didn't know who we were. So we wound through Provo neighborhoods (at the speed limit of course) and lost them a few times. In frustration, they called the police and the whole force showed up. We pulled over before they turned their lights and sirens on (because we are amazing citizens and believe in civic responsibility). We showed them the gun and they made us get out of the car and sit on the curb while the four cop cars and the 6 cops stood around, doing nothing. The main cop was way cool and said that everyone showed up cause they have absolutely nothin to do. Then he called our neighbors who we paintballed and told them we did it cause we thought they were fat and ugly. I was havin a good time on that curb, no lie. So they let us off, which was a miracle cause if they would've found Jesse's loaded .40 under the seat that fool would've been screwed! He doesn't have the license for his piece yet... So as they were giving all our ID's and stuff back, good ol Tommy Sorensen and our buddy Eric drove by and saw us in our predicament. Anyway, all we had to do was clean up their windows (which all the cops followed us over to the house to watch us do) and I decided that since we home teach them, that counted as our visit. Not bad, we got it done early in the month! Ridiculous.

I just had a run in with the head of the Physics Department at BYU. He was guest-lecturing in our class and decided to bring up the idea of human-caused global warming, and defend it! Bad idea for him. I let him speak for a bit, then the gloves came off. I let him have it. He tried to defend his stance and asked what I knew about it, and so I unloaded the things and interviews I've studied, and stated one report that contradicted the slide that he had up on the screen and backed it up with an IPCC report I just read. I then asked him a few questions that he couldn't answer and then he stated that he really was just beginning to learn about global warming and had only read one book on the subject. He then thanked me for studying and said that's what his point was, to encourage us to find out and search for ourselves about the world around us. I bet. Ridiculous.

Now, there are many ridiculous items, too many to mention, especially in Utah. It would be impossible to name them all. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the ones you can remember and watch the O'Reilly Factor for the rest. I'll be honest, I don't watch that show too much cause Sportcenter is on at the same time, but he's got the idea. Well, big gulps eh? See ya later.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Ain't No Thang But A Chicken...Uhhh, Frog Legs

Sometimes you get those cravings ya know...usually for a Slurpee, pizza, or candy or crap like that. Unless your very ethnic, your probably not gunna wanna eat frog legs, cause dude, they're freakin frog legs. Well I guess if you're at Carlos and Charlie's down in Mexico somewhere you might wanna give'em a try, cause you're already sick and on the toilet from the water down there anyway. But, walking through Smiths, Jesse and I saw that a big ol package of tender, juicy, large calved, small human-lower-torso-lookin, meat things were only $2.88. And when you're in college and sick of Ramen or 3-pound bags of shredded coconut, frog legs start to look tasty. So we took our sweet find over to Courtney, Lindsey, and Stephanie's and cooked them bad boys up...And don't they look amazing...especially the "spread eagle" ones... Good gosh ya'll.

So to tell the truth, they weren't bad at all, a little bland, but not bad. Throw some Durkee Hot Sauce on those thighs and calves and they taste a heck of alot like chicken. The best part was sticking a piece of the meat in Lindsey Maxfield's mouth and watchin her squirm cause she is deathly afraid of frogs...weird, I know. But she took it like a champ.

Speaking of weird fears, Courtney Bingham has the most ridiculous phobia, one for which I share no sympathy with her. Uh, who in their right mind can be afraid of Shamoo? I mean, sounds like a joke right? It should be a joke. What is scary about a giant aquatic mammal, who although may weigh tons according to us land dwellers, floats effortlessly through it's own Sea World "Believe" Tank. Not only is this animal glorious to behold, it is friendly with the human folk, allowing them to ride on its back and give Sea World a ridiculous profit. Sure, herring and other fish have a reason to dread the beautiful orca, but not us. That's racism, which is also ridiculous because Shamoo is both black and white, as well as especially playful.

Moral of the story, try somethin new. Frog legs might suck, and not hit the spot every night, but be adventurous and try new crap/stuff. Like sushi (the Vegas roll and Happy Sumo is delightful), or alligator tail, or tongue tacos. But not escargot cause the idea of eating snails is just freakin stupid... leave it to the French to set humanity back a notch for puttin that junk on a menu. Give me freedom fries and a steak sandwich any day (try Steak Out in the Riverwoods, tastiness indeed), ...damn French.

By the way, I think I set a world record with like 7 chins in this picture, or cheeks I guess. Nevertheless, I might try fried frog legs again, especially if they keep selling them at 5 bucks a dozen, that's like 24 legs! Oh, also, all-you-can-eat crab legs at Magelby's for 10.99. I know that that might not be so special to all you Californyuns, but for all us who are stuck in the mountains, it's good eatin. One last suggestion, try throwin some whipper snappers in your mouth when you're eatin pretzels or other bite size'll add a whole new experience to your dining life. Trust me.