Monday, September 10, 2007

I Blame It On the Devil...

I know, I'm a horrible person. I should've made a post years ago, or at least a month ago. But in the blogging world, especially this world of bloggers that I'm so proudly associated with, not blogging for a month is equivalent to years, decades even...And I blame it on her...the devil...

I was so worried about this evil influence taking over the minds of the people of this great country that I went on a crusade to defeat the evil forces of the biotch and, armed with just a backpack full of pork and beans, and most importantly, common sense, I toured the nation speaking at elementary schools everywhere. I spoke at DARE assemblies, carnivals, field days, even hosted a cake walk and a bike rodeo all to keep the young children aware of the evil that surrounded them. And since their minds are so impressionable at this young age I made it my goal to make sure that I would get in their heads before the biotch could...and hopefully my message will make it to the children's parents...because maybe since they say that this country will ran by our children one day, parents might take that literally and start listening to their children and maybe revert back to common sense and see through all the flawed logic that comes out of peoples mouths...especially the devil.
So, naturally, as I was on my course to save this proud nation, the devil and her forces tried to combat me by stealing my computer which would not allow me to blog, thus taking away from me the communication with my most powerful allies in this great cause that I have undertaken. And without the sarcasm and straight-faced humor that would so easily convince the weak ones of the voting population, I was left to myself, and my backpack of pork and beans and 4-year old slim jims, to put this evil force in the ground once and for all. But alas, I realized that after fighting a good fight, that if people couldn't figure out how idiotic this lady was along with all her hooligans then this country would be too dumb to live in...that, and I ran out of cash and couldn't find a 7-11 for the life of me and needed to come back home and trust in the common sense of the people.
So I came home, graduated from college with my big bro, broke my tooth in half while on a date, went on some vegas trips to fix that tooth cause superglue isn't that super, bought a house, wrecked Chad's car, went on some fun dates, built the biggest slip n slide of all time, and pretty much had some fun.
Oh and I sued the devil in the seventh district court for the unlawful seizure of personal property (my computer) and the judge decided the devil was wrong on the grounds of common sense and stated in his summation that if all people in this land could see through this woman's lies no more foolish things would ever happen in this nation, such as someone taking Ryan's computer so he couldn't blog in forever...or somethin like that.