Monday, September 10, 2007

I Blame It On the Devil...

I know, I'm a horrible person. I should've made a post years ago, or at least a month ago. But in the blogging world, especially this world of bloggers that I'm so proudly associated with, not blogging for a month is equivalent to years, decades even...And I blame it on her...the devil...

I was so worried about this evil influence taking over the minds of the people of this great country that I went on a crusade to defeat the evil forces of the biotch and, armed with just a backpack full of pork and beans, and most importantly, common sense, I toured the nation speaking at elementary schools everywhere. I spoke at DARE assemblies, carnivals, field days, even hosted a cake walk and a bike rodeo all to keep the young children aware of the evil that surrounded them. And since their minds are so impressionable at this young age I made it my goal to make sure that I would get in their heads before the biotch could...and hopefully my message will make it to the children's parents...because maybe since they say that this country will ran by our children one day, parents might take that literally and start listening to their children and maybe revert back to common sense and see through all the flawed logic that comes out of peoples mouths...especially the devil.
So, naturally, as I was on my course to save this proud nation, the devil and her forces tried to combat me by stealing my computer which would not allow me to blog, thus taking away from me the communication with my most powerful allies in this great cause that I have undertaken. And without the sarcasm and straight-faced humor that would so easily convince the weak ones of the voting population, I was left to myself, and my backpack of pork and beans and 4-year old slim jims, to put this evil force in the ground once and for all. But alas, I realized that after fighting a good fight, that if people couldn't figure out how idiotic this lady was along with all her hooligans then this country would be too dumb to live in...that, and I ran out of cash and couldn't find a 7-11 for the life of me and needed to come back home and trust in the common sense of the people.
So I came home, graduated from college with my big bro, broke my tooth in half while on a date, went on some vegas trips to fix that tooth cause superglue isn't that super, bought a house, wrecked Chad's car, went on some fun dates, built the biggest slip n slide of all time, and pretty much had some fun.
Oh and I sued the devil in the seventh district court for the unlawful seizure of personal property (my computer) and the judge decided the devil was wrong on the grounds of common sense and stated in his summation that if all people in this land could see through this woman's lies no more foolish things would ever happen in this nation, such as someone taking Ryan's computer so he couldn't blog in forever...or somethin like that.

42 comments:

Eliza said...

FINALLY! I seriously hope you took pictures of that Slip-n-slide. I need to see the before and afters of the tooth too. Good to have you back...the devil can be a problem sometimes.

Ryan Nelson said...

Its good to be back... I feel like my old self again!!

Alli Fantastico said...

HOLY! The prodigal son must send pics of the largest slip-n-slide in the world!

also, you mentioned not blogging in a month. HA! Nice try buddy.

Amanda said...

what? you're still alive? good to know :) i think i've heard about all of that except the tooth... how'd you manage that? get a little too enthusiastic about that first kiss- did ya? haha. sad that we live 2 miles away from each other and i must rely on inconsistent blog posts to know what's going on in your life... i vote we reincarnate family dinners at happy sumo... who knew that tradition would die with jesse?
xoxo
amanda

liufamily said...

I just want to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blogs!I think you need to have your own talk show.

Brock & Veronica Nelson said...

So I don't get it... are you trying to say I shouldn't vote for her?
-V

Lyd said...

Yeah, a month my ace! It's nice to find something new on here! Now you just need to keep it up. May be one a week, or maybe 3 a month?

And yes, she is truly the devil.

-KJ said...

Slightly hostile, but none the less a post. Strike that. When talking about the devil and her fru-its there of, one can never be to hostile. Are pork and beans the new name for Bill and Hillary? Bill being pork because he likes to... um, well, I'll leave it at that. Hillary being beans because she is full of hot nasty sulfury smelling air?
Good post Ry.

Eliza said...

Hey ryan...do you like Halloween?

ashleyO said...

Um...it's kinda weird to see Ryan's name on a blog comment let alone a blog of his own. 1) I wanna see the toof accident! 2) I too want Happy Sumo and C) I want to see your face.

And hey, let's get a Slurpee to while we're at it.

Yeah, do you like Halloween?

ashleyO said...

I'm starting to think that the Devil had nothing to do with this.

shauna said...

GET THAT DEVIL WOMAN'S FACE OFF OF YOUR BLOG!!! I HAVE TO LOOK AT IT EVERY DAY WAITING FOR YOUR NEWEST BLOG...

ashleyO said...

I agree with that matriarch of mine!

Lyd said...

Yeah, you just got back from freakin Mexico! Tell them what's up!

ashleyO said...

yes tell us all about what is up. even if you do talk about the sky or the ceiling...no big whoop.

Courtney said...

haha Ryan I LOVE your blog! I love your stories because I can hear your voice when I am reading them! (kinda weird yes) How are you???

Jess said...

ryan- Erika was "blogstalking" and told me she came across your page through a long line of mutual friends. I thought I'd give it a try cause you basically disappeared off the face of the earth. just wanted to say hi, hope all is well, and tell you that I'm disappointed that you still haven't found that special someone yet.

ashleyO said...

Let's just hope that he is looking for that special someone instead of blogging. That's the only good excuse. It's like he has gone into war or something. Absent!

Eliza said...

You crush my hope.........

Lyd said...

Yes, I thought that you were a changed man at the blogging...but we guessed wrong.

ashleyO said...

he's a liar! burn 'em! burn 'em!

Eliza said...

his excuse better be that he has something important to tell us all....like he's getting married! YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee! (pass it along)

Mandy said...

Who's geting married? Frank Stallone, Ashley, Ryan? Fill me in on the fun details

Lyd said...

Oooooo, good idea Liza! Lets spread rumors around about Ryan and then when it gets back to him, he'll have to set everything back to normal by writing a new post, and then it will be a continuous cycle because he will never be on top of his writing!

Kevin and Natali McKee said...

Dang that is so funny, this is Natali (Massey)By the way.

ashleyO said...

omg! let's play. this is sooo evil! mwawhwehhaehwhhwhwhwhhahahaa (laughed ala Dr. Evil)

Little E said...

Is that Jack Skellington? No wait... oh it's Hillary Clinton, my bad.

Lyd said...

Come now.

Lyd said...

Once again. Rediculous.

Theresa Rodriguez said...

Ryan! Yay...its theresa diann Stewart Rodriguez the first! How are you? Nice picture of the Evil that is Hillary. Add me as a friend. and we can be blogging buddies. whoop whoop

Amanda said...

does anyone know if ry is still alive?

Eliza said...

yes he is cause he was just here helping pull up my carpet and they he and Eric (who helped as well) then hauled it away. Thanks again boys! We owe you big time!

Eliza said...

oh and I can't believe you missed a BYU game for it....the love!

R. A. L. III. said...

i hope we are going to see you at the cabin this weekend!!

Eliza said...

I think I know what Ryan needs for christmas...anyone, anyone? (besides a swift kick in the pants)

Brock & Veronica Nelson said...

the late blog is an appropriate name for your blog but not accurate, how about the extremely late blog, or the stop checking my never updated blog, perhaps my blog is only used as a link to your blog would be the best name.......hmmm..... yup, that's a good one!

Ryan Nelson said...

I know I know... How bout "my freakin computer is broke and I am always workin and since my computer doesn't work I forget about blogging"-blog. Thats it

Lyd said...

FOR AN UPDATE ON RYAN, CHECK MY BLOG!! :)

R. A. L. III. said...

where u at brotha!

Lyd said...

Exactly Ray.

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