(Lauren and Ryan lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Ryan keeps turning to and fro unable to sleep.)
Ryan: I can't flippin sleep.
Lauren: I know. I can tell.
Ryan: My stomach hurts like none other.
Lauren: Me too. Mine's been hurting all night.
Ryan: Ah man. I hope its just gas.
Lauren: It better not be.
Ryan: I hope it is.
Lauren: Then you better as heck turn your body away from me! And, you better stick your bum out of the covers so your nasty toot isn't trapped under the blanket! I'm serious.
(Laughter ensues. Ryan continues to laugh as Lauren reaffirms that she is not joking. Ryan tries to push one out just cause it'd be exceedingly funny at that moment. But, there is nothing to push out and he doesn't want to push to hard because he learned a long time ago that that is not a good idea.)
Lauren: Wait, did you really just turn away from me and stick your bum out of the covers?!
(Lauren now laughes uncontrollably. Ryan's stomach still hurts. Laughter dies down and a minute of silence prevails.)
Ryan: I guess I don't need to toot after all.
(Lauren begins laughing again and Ryan covers his body with the blankets and slides back next to Lauren.)
Ryan: Wait, did I just say toot instead of fart?
Lauren: Yes you did.
Ryan: I can't believe I'm saying words like that now. Its rediculous. Toot? Its a fart.
Lauren: No, its a toot.
(Minutes pass. Lauren drifts off to sleep. Ryan slowly gets comfortable, too comfortable, and not wanting to wake up his cute sleeping wife, gently and quietly rips one, next to Lauren, under the covers.)
Sleeping and Smiling and the Splits
3 hours ago